Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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