this beer tastes like vomit already
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
