Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
