i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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