No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is the high leading the old right now
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
there is glitter all over my balls
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