I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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