My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
