You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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