hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
