So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
