Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
