Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
