6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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