TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
