Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
