I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
