I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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