Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
