Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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