I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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