Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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