I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
