I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize