yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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