Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
