all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The ass gains better be worth it
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