You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
