You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
