glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
