At least make sure they are 18
Why
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
