How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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