thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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