I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
