i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
