I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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