And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
