I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
