I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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