The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
