I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
