Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
