Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
