You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
