just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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