She said her name was "party"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
