Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
