I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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