So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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