I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
