So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
