cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
