I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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