I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
