Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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